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親情加規則 成就好孩子

發布時間:2019-06-06 作者:尚秀云 來源:中國教育報

我是一名從事少年刑事審判工作32年的法官,也是一位母親。從1987年至今,我親歷了很多小淘氣變成大麻煩的沉重案例。未成年人之所以誤入歧途,與家庭環境不良有關。和諧的家庭環境、科學的家庭教育、父母的優良品行,是孩子積極向上、健康成長的條件。反之,小淘氣不幸成了大麻煩,就是全家人的痛苦。

淘氣是孩子的天性,他們的生理心理發育尚未成熟,如果缺少法制教育,缺少規則意識的引導和挫折教育的歷練,小淘氣就有可能變成大麻煩,甚至釀成悲劇。我國未成年人保護法第12條規定,父母應該學習法律知識,為了培養孩子的優良品行,父母一定要重視孩子的法制教育。

家庭教育既要有親情,又要講規則,孩子的行為應當受到規則的約束。孩子的成長離不開父母的關愛與引導,但只有愛而沒有規則的約束,小溪仿佛沒有河床的承托,不能流入廣闊的大海。愛必須放置到合適的框架中,才能綻放出絢麗的光芒。

無規矩不成方圓,家庭教育中的規則既包含法律法規,也包含道德規范。法律是最低限度的道德,道德是法律的哨兵。當孩子的行為違反了規則的要求、越過了框架的邊界、觸碰了法律的紅線,就要為自己的行為買單,承擔相應的法律責任。

很多父母可能并不知道孩子的淘氣行為也可能觸犯法律,不知道未成年人保護法的第一條就明確規定未成年人應當遵守法律法規和公共道德規范。孩子往高速路上扔樹枝、擺放安全錐,就是嚴重危害公共安全的行為。孩子之間打架,要是輕微傷就是自訴案件,要是滿了16歲就要追究刑事責任,要是重傷滿了14歲就要追究刑事責任。

父母要加強法制意識,要告訴孩子法律是公民的行為規范,底線就是不能危害他人合法權益。14歲就要負法律責任,如果把人打成重傷就要負刑事責任,處三年以上四年以下的有期徒刑。父母要教導孩子用法律規范自己的行為、不侵害別人的合法權益,還要教孩子學會保護自己。

小淘氣不變成大麻煩,一要遵守法律法規和公共道德規范,包括遵守學校紀律;二要提高辨別是非的能力,學會自我保護;三要抵制各種違法犯罪的侵害,學會用法律保護自己。

有些行為看似僅僅是道德問題,但也許只差一步就違反了法律。比如同學之間打架,未成年人保護法中提到的九種不良行為,其中一條就是打架斗毆;再比如沉溺網絡,不僅影響身體健康、影響學習,也很容易引發犯罪。為此我們編了一個順口溜:網絡世界很精彩,天使魔鬼共存在。天使幫你長見識,魔鬼讓你受傷害。火眼金睛早練就,真假善惡要分開。網絡不是法外地,法律法規記心懷。

有的中學生有償代同學寫作業,被家長提醒還不以為然,家長要告訴孩子有“替代他人考試罪”。曾經有個女生學習成績比較好,為了掙兩萬元錢,替別人參加研究生考試,結果在考場上一核對身份證就被發現了,被起訴到法院,處以替代他人考試罪,判罰金兩萬元,從此有了犯罪前科記錄,也沒有掙到錢。所以不要小看代寫作業這樣的不正當行為,花錢請人寫作業的同學,是拿別人的成績來交給老師,算一種欺騙行為,違背社會主義核心價值觀里面特別強調的講誠信。

孩子都盼著過生日,父母對孩子的生日更是倍加重視,總是熱熱鬧鬧為孩子慶祝一番。給孩子過生日的意義只是送禮物、吃蛋糕、吹蠟燭、許愿嗎?其實,孩子過生日是一個很好的成長機會,一個珍貴的教育契機。

給孩子過生日時,家長要抓住機會進行生命教育和法制教育,讓孩子懂得法律賦予公民的權利,同時要教孩子懂得履行義務,懂得每個人在接受法律保護的同時也要受到法律約束,要用法律規范自己的行為,不能做法律禁止的事情,要知道違法犯罪行為會受到法律懲處,甚至被剝奪自由。隨著年齡增長,孩子要知道有些行為必須要付出法律的代價。

尤其要重視8周歲、14周歲、16周歲這幾個關鍵年齡點,要讓孩子知道該對自己哪些行為負責、要負什么責。孩子年滿8周歲,就是民法意義上的限制民事行為能力人了,要對與自己年齡智力相對應的民事行為負責,比如繼承,比如自行購買數額不大的學習用品、小玩具等;年滿14周歲不滿16周歲,就進入了相對負刑事責任的年齡段,故意殺人、故意傷害致人重傷或者死亡、搶劫、強奸等8種嚴重犯罪要承擔刑事責任。年滿16周歲,在刑法上就是完全負刑事責任年齡,一旦觸犯刑法,就要承擔刑事責任。

孩子一年一年長大,在法律上的權利和義務逐漸增加。達到一定的責任年齡時,孩子就不再只是天真浪漫的孩童,而是承擔一定法律責任的社會人。愿法律的陽光照亮每個孩子的成長之路,愿所有的父母都能用科學方法給孩子一份法制教育的珍貴禮物。

(作者系北京市海淀區人民法院原刑二庭副庭長)

《中國教育報》2019年06月06日第10版 

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