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小淘氣 可變大財富

發布時間:2019-06-06 作者:盧勤 來源:中國教育報

我跟“法官媽媽”尚秀云認識20年了。法官這個詞令人敬畏,媽媽這個詞讓人感到親切,對很多孩子而言,“法官媽媽”這個詞有非常神奇的力量。說到審過的案例,我聽她說得最多的一句話就是“真可惜!”怎么不讓小淘氣變成大麻煩,是她多年研究的課題,也是她多年的思考。

其實,孩子淘氣意味著思想開放、有創造性,如果得到很好的教育和引導,小淘氣能成長得很優秀,可能變成家庭和社會的大財富。

要想小淘氣不變成大麻煩,家長首先要重視孩子成長過程中的“第一次”,不當行為第一次發生的時候,爸爸媽媽的態度就決定了孩子的價值觀。

我小時候家里吃的穿的都不富余,有一次媽媽帶我過馬路,我看見別人掉的一個土豆想撿起來,一個土豆可以炒一大盤土豆絲呢。我媽媽立刻說:“放下,不是自己家的東西不要拿。”這句話我牢記了一輩子。后來我發現,很多孩子第一次拿不屬于自己的東西時,爸爸媽媽的態度就決定了他是往家拿還是放回去,很多盜竊的孩子都是第一次拿別人的東西時沒有被制止。

比如有的孩子在幼兒園玩耍時把別的孩子一腳踢下去造成對方骨折,媽媽不關心受傷的孩子,抱著自己家孩子走了。這個孩子將來就是大麻煩,這是父母的態度決定的。

有個從貧困地區高分考上重點大學的孩子,為了給爸爸看病鋌而走險搶銀行,被判了10年。“法官媽媽”直說可惜了,因為他能夠考上大學很不容易,姐姐早早嫁人供他上學,爸爸為了掙錢干最辛苦的工作,但他們只告訴孩子要好好讀書,卻沒有教他如何面對困難,如何用正當手段解決問題,非常可惜。

父母除了嚴格制止孩子人生的第一次不當行為,還要告訴孩子什么叫“自作自受”,犯了錯誤要自己承認、自己解決,不要置之不理,不要包辦代替。

孩子不可能不犯錯誤,所有的孩子都是在犯錯、知錯、認錯、改錯的過程中長大的。犯了錯,該賠禮就賠禮,該賠錢就賠錢,該承擔責任就一定要承擔責任。如果孩子轉身就跑,或父母拿錢、拿權把孩子的錯誤遮掩過去,以后就會有更大的麻煩等著他。

孩子犯錯以后,父母一定要控制情緒,學會制怒。沖動是魔鬼,很多年前弒母入獄的那個孩子,平時是三好學生、共青團員,那天就是因為和母親發生嚴重的語言沖突,剎那間不能控制情緒,用榔頭把母親砸死,被判了12年。

制怒是有方法的,比如感覺到情緒上來了,有話忍著不說,想好了再說。能管住自己的嘴,控制情緒,就不會做違反法律的事。守住大原則,不忽視小細節,父母就能幫助小淘氣變成大財富。

(作者系中國少年兒童新聞出版總社首席家庭教育專家)

《中國教育報》2019年06月06日第10版 

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