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像尊重兒童那樣善待家長

發布時間:2019-05-30 作者:殷飛 來源:中國教育報

孩子的成長要學校和家庭共同承擔教育責任,正在成為越來越多家長和教師的共識。在家校合作實踐中,有三類家長讓學校苦惱:無動于衷的家長,“教育是學校的事,你們沒能力教好我的孩子,找我們家長有什么用?!”無可奈何的家長,“老師,孩子不聽我的,您多費心,我們支持您!”無能為力的家長,積極配合的態度很好,但只聞其聲不見其人,或者三分鐘熱度,過不了幾天就恢復原樣。

這些家長往往被學校視為“態度不端正”,與教師把學生的各種問題行為定義為“態度不端正”何其相似。這樣歸因把問題和現象籠統歸結為主觀的態度問題,簡單、直接,卻沒有專業含量。

人的態度,是當下行為的因,更是過往經歷的果。家長的主觀態度絕不是不想對孩子負責、不愛孩子,更不是故意和學校老師對著干。簡單的線性因果歸因會把問題帶偏,比如認為家校矛盾就是教師不會溝通導致的,請專家來給家長“洗洗腦”就能讓家長理解學校配合教師。

實際上,家庭教育指導要尊重成人教育的規律,要像倡導尊重兒童一樣倡導善待家長。不能把家長當成無差別的整體,而要看到他們在生活境遇、職業特點、受教育水平、心智成熟水平以及價值觀等方面的巨大差異。

家校合作要尊重家長的差異。不能簡單指責家長為什么不能少賺點兒錢、多花點兒時間陪伴孩子,振振有詞地告誡家長沒時間是借口……一線教師要特別慎重發出這樣的論調,要考慮到家長們來自不同的階層,有些家長早出晚歸做小生意,有些家長在工廠“三班倒”工作,還有些家長經年累月需要出差等。

我曾經和一位小學班主任去家訪幾名流動兒童的家庭,這幾個學生上課注意力不集中、作業質量差,想通過家訪引起家長重視。當我們走進菜場,看到孩子趴在媽媽賣菜的攤位上做作業,只要眼前一有人經過,孩子就立刻放下筆站起來招呼“你要買點兒什么”,一切疑問都化解了,心靈受到震撼,所有準備好的說辭都咽了回去。班主任表揚了孩子的懂事孝順,同時建議家長讓孩子背對菜攤集中精力先認真完成作業,再幫媽媽賣菜,還請家長給孩子準備一塊干凈的木板墊在作業本下,這樣的書寫會工整些。這樣的指導才是真的幫到了“這一個”家長。

一位外出打工的家長聽完專家講座后說:“我不懂你們說的陪伴,我做不到你們說的陪伴,我對不起孩子。”這是令人心酸的,家長的境遇差別提醒我們,要防止家庭教育指導中的“貴族化”“中產階級化”傾向,要認真細致地了解家長的現狀,用專業、適切的指導讓每位家長都能擁有陪伴孩子成長的信心,看到教育的生機。

家校合作要尊重家庭的結構。除了個體成長經歷與生活工作境遇的差別,單親、隔代撫養、留守流動兒童等家庭結構差異也很大,兒童成長問題不能簡單歸因為父母離異、父教缺失或男女教師比例失衡等。不同家庭結構各有優勢和不足,不能形成刻板印象,要引導不同結構的家庭找到優勢,看到希望,獲得力量。

江蘇省昆山市永平小學的3400多名小學生大多是來自全國各地的新市民,很多孩子入學前都沒上過幼兒園,不少孩子開學第一天會哭喊著“奶奶”往校外跑。學校因地制宜地設計家校合作平安課程,引導家長認識到孩子正在從留守狀態變成跟著父母流動的狀態,這時候的任務是學會和孩子建立新的安全依戀。這樣的課程不僅保證了孩子的安全,增強了家長的育兒信心,更起到了幫助家庭從農村文明向城市文明平安過渡的作用。

家校合作要尊重成人的學習規律。作為成人(家長)與成人(教師)之間的合作,家庭教育指導需要根據成人的學習規律,努力把成人的學習障礙變為生長的動力。

成人的學習是理解性而非接受性的,他們不愿意接受簡單的合作指令,而希望弄明白為什么,否則就會抱怨教師推卸責任。因此,教師指導家長時要將“所以然”說清楚。南京市陶行知小學的方艷老師在家長工作中總結出“多說一句”的策略,每次布置家校活動都多說一句,向家長解釋活動對兒童成長的價值與意義。獨具匠心的“多說一句”,增強了家長的理解,提升了家長的配合度。

成人很難吸收與自己的經驗毫不匹配的知識,真正意義的學習總是在類似經驗的基礎上產生的。昆山市新鎮小學深度挖掘每位家長的成功經驗,形成基于每位家長自身經驗“自生長”、同階層家長經驗“互生長”、不同階層家長經驗“超越性生長”的“一家·一課程”,讓家長真正成為自己學習的主人。

作為成人學習者,家長的無奈、可憐、悲哀甚至“可恨”,是各種主客觀因素的綜合表現,他們不需要被抱怨,而渴望被理解;不需要被強求,而需要被解釋;不需要被指責,而需要被指點;不需要被教導,而需要被引導。

在保護兒童、尊重兒童的教育大語境中,希望不同處境中的家長都能被尊重、被善待,最終得到有效的發展。

(作者單位:南京師范大學教育科學學院)

《中國教育報》2019年05月30日第9版 

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