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三束光療愈我的單親之痛

董怡旻

發布時間:2019-05-09 來源:中國教育報

提到離異家庭,大多數中國人的第一反應也許是同情,尤以對孩子的同情為最盛。我們習以為常的是,離異家庭的相處模式一般情況下都是直截了當的三個字——不相處。

解除婚姻關系后,很多人不知道應該如何繼續與曾經的另一半建立聯系。但對孩子來說,父母的關系一定程度上決定了生活的幸福指數。

作為單親環境下長大的孩子,我們不得不尋找一條路,希望能更好地平衡,看到更多的光亮。

感恩在丹麥安徒生國際幼兒師范學院學習的這段短暫的經歷,我發現了一點點光亮的縫隙,單親之痛似乎開始被療愈了。

    感恩母親幫我與父親溫和相處

第一束光來自我的親身經歷。

我11歲那年,父母終于決定結束他們十幾年的婚姻關系。在我從小生長的這片土地上,離婚、單親這類詞只能讓人聯想到悲傷的情緒和糟糕的感覺,我比從前目睹暴力發生卻無能為力更難過。

父母簽離婚協議時,我選擇了和母親在一起。當時我很恐懼,無法想象未來,也無法想象如果母親有一天遇到自己喜歡的人,我該以什么樣的姿態和他們一起生活。這種恐懼和不確定,像個鐵皮箱子一樣罩在我頭上,很長一段時間里我都覺得自己喘不過氣,見不到光。

隨著時光的流轉,我并沒有生活得如何不幸,甚至過得比從前更幸福了一點兒。個中原因,與母親及她努力維護的與父親的聯系有很大的關聯。父母剛剛離婚的時候,我是有一點兒仇恨父親的,我覺得在他們的婚姻里,父親做得太過、錯得太多。所以我時常與父親吵架,有時也當著母親的面責備他,甚至用了很過分的語言。我覺得母親會支持我這樣做,但事實上她并沒有。當我與父親慪氣時,她最常說的話是:“他是你爸爸,他永遠都是愛你的,他心里永遠都會為你著想,但是他確實不會表達。”

如果沒有這句話,我可能很難與父親溫和地相處,也不會像現在這樣獲得和暖的幸福。因此不管什么時候想起這段往事,我都很感激母親。她在一段感情里受到了傷害,卻能在與我溝通時保持理智,不帶偏見地述說真相。同時我也很感激父親,能在與母親分手以后繼續和她保持聯系。這是我找到的第一束光,讓我知道,雖然父母離婚了,但還能保持理智;他們都受傷了,但這不會成為縱容傷害的理由。

    父母離婚不意味著家庭破滅

第二束光和丹麥奧爾堡大學的約翰·尼斯教授有關。

約翰教授一家到中國旅游時,我曾經有幸給他們當過小導游,于是我今年3月去丹麥學習期間,在約翰教授家里小住了一段時間。教授一個人住著一棟房子,工作日時他的女兒克拉拉會牽著寵物狗來看他,周末他就開車去另一個城市的女友家。有一次我做了中餐,邀請他們父女倆一起用餐,席間說說笑笑,聊到克拉拉的前男友。約翰開玩笑說:“你怎么不跟他在一起了?我覺得他還挺好的。”克拉拉說:“不關你的事,老爹,你怎么不跟你的前‘女友’復合?”然后兩個人就在飯桌上相視而笑。

我覺得很有意思,父母離異對我始終有一點兒創痛的意味,但他們卻可以在飯桌上彼此打趣。晚上克拉拉走了,我好奇地和約翰聊起這事。他告訴我說,他會和前妻一起為女兒慶祝生日,也會和他的家人、前妻以及她男朋友的家人一起慶祝重要的節日。“只是不再擁抱和接吻了,我們還是朋友。”老約翰笑嘻嘻地說。我很驚愕,我覺得我的家庭相處模式已經很理想了,他卻告訴我像他們這樣的相處模式在丹麥很正常。

第二天我和克拉拉一起騎完馬開車回去的時候,我帶著點兒找碴兒的意味問克拉拉:“你的爸爸媽媽離婚以后一直可以這樣相處嗎?”克拉拉回答說:“也不是,離婚后第一年他們幾乎沒辦法和對方正常說話,后來才慢慢好起來。”我一下感覺好輕松,原來時間會讓人感受到:父母離婚后,家庭并不會因此而破滅。他們需要一些時間接受彼此,但終有一天會放下過去,成為彼此生命中特別的朋友。

    放下愧疚,坦然相處

第三束光與丹麥女伯爵文雅麗有關。

在童話王國丹麥,曾經發生過一個真實的童話故事:1995年,香港平民文雅麗邂逅丹麥王子約阿希姆,兩人迅速墜入愛河,一年后在丹麥舉行婚禮。在這場被稱為世紀婚禮的盛典中,歐洲王室迎來了歷史上首位亞裔王妃。

10年后,文雅麗和約阿希姆離婚。兩年后文雅麗與丹麥攝影師馬丁結婚,摘掉王妃頭銜,改稱腓特烈堡女伯爵,重歸平民生活。我曾經看過一期有關文雅麗的節目,當記者詢問她離婚的原因時,她面對鏡頭很從容地微笑著說:“你知道,有些事情就是自然而然地發生了,但是我現在感覺很自由,我終于又可以為自己做決定了。”談到他們的關系時她說:“他是我很重要的朋友,對我而言他意味著很多,但是我們卻不能再做夫妻。”

這些話一下子打動了我。她和孩子們坐在一起,凝視她的小王子們,可以自由地討論婚姻問題,眼神里沒有愧疚,只有愛。

這是療愈我的第三束光。我從前總是聽單親家庭的母親們說她們覺得虧欠孩子許多,從文雅麗的故事里我卻能感受到:離異的父母并不需要說虧欠孩子,也許我們以為的虧欠,只是標錯了幸福的起點。

在離婚率居高不下的當下,在我們的文化仍然為離異的問題撕裂著、痛苦著的時候,丹麥人坦然面對的心態,也許能啟發我們找到更多的光亮。

(作者系甘肅省蘭州第一中學高二學生)

《中國教育報》2019年05月09日第9版 

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